Negatives found while cleaning Dad’s bedroom. Scanned with that negative scanner that I picked up a couple of weeks ago.
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Cleaning Up
My Dad rarely, if ever, asked for help with anything around the house. I usually ended up helping him bring groceries up the stairs, or laundry, or bringing down garbage and recyclables from the kitchen or bathrooms.
Sometimes he’d make it halfway up the stairs with a sack of rice before I knew what he was doing. I’d bring it up the rest of the way.
When he moved back home in 2016, the basement and garage was filled with the moving boxes from his place up in Washington state. I kept asking if we could reorganize or clear a lot of the boxes so one or both of us could park inside the garage. He kept insisting that he’d get to it, eventually, and while he did empty a few boxes and dumped stuff, the garage was never cleared.
So I did that this weekend, dumping and rearranging the boxes so I could park my car back inside the garage.
The best part?
The boxes are situated so I can go through a few every weekend, and do more dumping. They were not so arranged before my reshuffle. I just need to back my car out and have plenty of room to sort through the rest of the boxes.
And then I can start on the basement. Again.
POI
A couple of years ago I introduced Dad to Person of Interest. He liked it right away. We would watch a couple of episodes every few weeks or so, maybe every two months.
We got to the introduction of Shaw in season 2 before Dad passed away. I wish he could have seen the rest of season 2, when the finale actually took place in Hanford, Washington’s nuclear plant, where he worked while he and Mom lived up there.
Today I got to Season 3, episode 9, where I experienced the biggest TV shock since Marie Warner shot her fiancée on 24.
And I cried. Mostly for what happened in the story, but also a good cathartic cry for my Dad.
That cry seemed to clear my head and shook me out of a funk I’d been feeling for a couple of weeks now.
And I came to a decision about something.
I’m not going to move to Sacramento.
There’s a position open in our agency’s office up there. I was supposed to go up there these past couple of days to check it out, but a sore back stopped me from going Wednesday, and Thursday I didn’t feel well in the morning.
Maybe this was a sign.
I figured stress was responsible for both days, and once I sat down and made the conscious decision to no longer consider the Sacramento move scenario, I felt a great weight lifted from me.
I have enough to deal with around this house, disposing of so much of Dad’s and my own stuff, I don’t feel that the added stress of moving was needed.
I felt that I needed to move out of this house ASAP, partly because of the constant reminder of where I found Dad on the steps, every time I walk by them. But over the past couple of weeks that feeling has lessened. I’ll always have that painful memory, and the time will come when I will move out of here, but that time is not now.
For the moment, I feel less stressed than I’ve been in a couple of months.
I still need to go see a therapist to cope with grieving, but I think I made some headway on my own.
Father’s Day
This is the first one without my Dad.
A few years ago on Mother’s Day, I began a tradition of going to see a movie by myself, usually the latest Marvel movie or other blockbuster that was out at the time.
This year Dad passed away right before Mother’s Day, so we were all a little preoccupied. I didn’t get to see a movie that day.
This year I’m going to see a double feature to make up for that, and continue to see a movie on both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, going forward.
Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I miss you.
Why Now?
The cord has been cut.
Saturday I went ahead and cancelled my Xfinity/Comcast account.
For years they were reaming me with a monthly charge well over what a sane person would pay for JUST CABLE TV.
My last bill was over $200. For just cable TV.
I’ve had a separate service for phone and internet (currently Sonic) forever, and was not interested in their combined packages, with data caps.
The only reason I held on to cable TV for so long?
Dad kept his TV in his bedroom on some religious cable channel all day, even when he wasn’t home. He may have turned it off when he went to sleep. Sometimes I heard it through his door when I got up in the morning to get ready for work.
I didn’t want to take that away from him. I’m not sure if that same channel was available on the cable packages through AT&T or Sonic, or even over the air.
So yeah.
It’s weird seeing the empty spaces near the TVs, where a DVR box used to sit.
Toilet Repair
Dear Dad,
I managed to replace the fill valve on the downstairs toilet. It doesn’t appear to leak anymore, and is silent again.
I found your tools in the same place that you stored them when you first showed me how to do home plumbing repairs.
I couldn’t have done this without your guidance, all those years ago.
I hope I did it right by you.
Thanks, Dad.
I love you and miss you.
Happy Mother’s Day
Catharsis
20 minutes ago:
Brain: Do it.
Heart: No, Chris, it’s too painful!
Brain: He must. It will help him.
Heart: You’re right, dammit.
I went to youtube.com and played the ending to Field of Dreams.
It hurt. I ugly cried for a good while. 3 minutes? 5? Lost track of time.
I love you, Dad. I miss you.
I’m probably not going to watch this movie again for a while.
