From the Little Caesar Arena in Detroit, Michigan, the Facebook Friends Wrestling League presents…
GOONGA-GALOONGA-PALOOZA I!!!
Master of Ceremonies Dirk Manning takes to the center of the ring, welcoming the crowd. He also mentions the upcoming release of the Nightmare World Omnibus.
Dirk points out a few celebrities in the crowd:
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle
James Corden
Logan Paul
Larry Nasser
James Franco
Dirk introduces the first match of the night:
GLENN “NINJA” YOUNG VS. ANDY “THE JAWA” DAHL
Ninja appears to exult a bit much in fan response during his entrance.
The bell rings. Jawa immediately attempts a body slam, but Ninja is unfazed as he applies a series a body blows.
Jawa exits the ring, enraged, and throws James Corden into the crowd!
Back in the ring, Ninja catches Jawa with a leg trip. He then shrugs off a body chop from Jawa.
Suddenly, Jawa’s minions enter the ring and attack Ninja!
Jawa performs a back kick. Jawa escapes an instant pin attempt from Ninja.
Jawa climbs and strikes Ninja with an off the top rope leg drop.
Ninja is knocked to the mat by Jawa’s flying sling shot move.
Jawa hits Ninja with the Sandcrawler smash!
Jawa gets Ninja into a surfboard chin lock.
Ninja breaks the submission hold and delivers a chin blow to Jawa.
Ninja performs an atomic drop and is inverted.
Ninja escapes Jawa’s submission hold and delivers another chin blow.
The crowd begins to jeer, which distracts the referees, and Jawa delivers a bell ringer blow to Ninja.
Jawa attempts his finishing move, and fails.
Jawa performs an off the top rope head butt drop.
Jawa gets Ninja in a head scissors, and he’s pinned!
WINNER: Andy “The Jawa” Dahl!
Post match, Bruce “Manho” Powell says some disparaging things about Ninja, creating a feud between the two wrestlers.
—
Dirk returns to the ring, promoting Tales of Mr. Rhee Volume 4, before introducing the next match:
BRUCE “MANHO” POWELL VS. JASON “WENDIGO” MILLER
WAAAGH!!! makes some funny remarks before the match.
Wendigo starts off with a Boston Crab.
The ref appears to give a favorable ruling to Wendigo.
Wendigo hits Manho with a drop kick, followed by a neck twist.
Manho gets a punch in.
Wendigo shakes of a hold attempt, and slams Manho’s face into the mat.
Manho manages to get Wendigo in a double arm bar.
Wendigo escapes the hold and performs a back breaker, and then falls onto Manho.
Manho body slams Wendigo, and then follows up with a side piledriver.
Manho slams Wendigo into a turnbuckle!
Wendigo retaliates with a painful and highly illegal hold!
Wendigo performs a throat punch and wins the match!
Post match, the ref declares a no decision due to the illegal hold.
—
Dirk returns to the ring, reminding the crowd of the upcoming Kickstarter for the Mr. Rhee/Nightmare World board game, before introducing match #3:
KEN “WAAAGH!” MARQUARDT VS. NEZZ “STALKER” CONSTANTINE
Jawa offers some disparaging comments before the match begins.
Stalker performs Total Focus to open the match, and proceeds to toss WAAAGH out of the ring!
WAAAGH shakes off a hold as he reenters the ring, and slams Stalker’s face into the mat.
Stalker produces a 2×4 and strikes WAAAGH with a series of painful blows.
WAAAGH manages to resist a head lock attempt.
Stalker slams WAAAGH to the mat with a DDT move, and wins the match!
Post match, The Jawa leaps into the ring and attacks Stalker. Stalker appears to be injured. We’ll get an update later.
—
Dirk returns to the ring, reminding the crowd of the upcoming release of the NightmareNomicon, before match 4 begins:
KALU “SHONUFF” EKEH VS TIMOTHY “CHARYBDIS” NOWELL
Charybdis gets a shot in before the bell rings!
Charybdis executes a knee face driver.
Shonuff responds with a headbutt.
Charybdis performs an elevated cradle neck breaker.
Shonuff responds with an elbow smash.
Charybdis is showing signs of fatigue.
Shonuff suplex slams Charybdis.
With the referee distracted, Charybdis makes an illegal move.
Charybdis hits Shonuff with a crossface chicken wing.
Charybdis appears to be having a power surge.
Shonuff responds with a hip toss and reverse.
Charybdis escapes a figure four leg lock and gets in a chin lock.
Charybdis appears to be getting illegal help from an unknown ally, and he wins the match!
Post match, WAAAGH is irate over Charybdis’ hot-dogging, they appear to be arguing, but both sides keep them apart.
—
Dirk returns to the ring, mentioning his upcoming “The Adventures of Cthulhu Jr. and Dastardly Dirk” comic, before introducing match #5:
JASON “CRANKY CAUCASIAN” THILL VS. MIKE “VENGEANCE” FATUM
Lando “Turbo” Gayle appears riled up over comments made during a TV interview.
Cranky avoids Vengeance’s elbow smash, and clotheslines him in return.
Cranky performs The Good Ol’ Days, stunning Vengeance.
Vengeance pile drives Cranky.
Cranky gets in a cartwheel kick.
Cranky gets in a head lock followed by a body slam.
Cranky performs a fireman’s carry mat slam.
Meghan Merkle climbs into the ring and helps Cranky with an attack on Vengeance!
Cranky stuns Vengeance with another The Good Ol Days.
Manager Lee Ann attacks Vengeance! The referee pulls her off.
Cranky avoids Vengeance’s slingshot off the ropes, and Vengeance hits his head on the turnbuckle.
Lee Ann attacks again and slams Vengeance’s face to the mat.
Cranky gets a wrist lock in for the pin and the win!
Post match, Cranky says some conciliatory words about Vengeance. What a nice guy.
—
Dirk returns to the ring, quickly mentioning a few more projects, before the final match of the night:
BRENT “SUPREME” KNIGHT VS. LANDO “TURBO” GAYLE
Charybdis’ hackles are raised over some condescending comments about Supreme.
Supreme opens with a Boston crab.
Turbo strikes back with a hammer lock.
Supreme performs a swinging neck breaker, which also appears to have hurt him.
Turbo is not fooled by the feigned injury, responding with a knee bar.
Turbo gets a front face lock on Supreme.
Supreme’s valet’s display seems to be intensifying the match.
Turbo is getting pumped up by the cheering crowd.
The crowd then gasps as Supreme gets a savage body stomp on Turbo.
Supreme’s valet appears to be stealing the show, so much so that Supreme is declared the winner!
SUPREME IS THE CHAMPION OF THE FFWL!
Supreme is milking the crowd for all he can, working them to a point of almost complete fanaticism toward Supreme.
—
Dirk Manning returns to the ring and thanks the crowd for attending GOONGA-GALOONGA-PALOOZA I!!!